My Humps, My Humps, My Lovely Lady Lumps

My Humps, My Humps, My Lovely Lady Lumps

I’ve had a torrid love affair with my breasts, both emotional and physical ups and downs. I think I've fitted every bra size ever made at one time or another. Whilst sorting through my bras for Smalls for All, I concocted this for your pleasure. Here is an ode to my boobs.

A – Airbags ay–up,

B – Boobs, Breasts, Baps, my Bosom Buddies I’m glad to have you back! My

C – Chest as a teenager was somewhat flat, raisins on a chopping board my

D – Darling grandmother would say. Chicken fillets down my top creating

E – Eyecandy to allure the opposite sex, alas to no avail. But in my early twenties the

F – Funbags fully developed. My

G – Girls were great. A right pair of perky Gazongas,

H – Hooters used to hook my Mister. All in white, encased in lace, off to say

I – I do. Followed by a couple of years of joy with the

J – Jugs, lovely Jubblies. Inevitably leading to peeing on a stick

K – Knockers & Knocked up, we bounced through the first trimester

L – Lady Lumps already lactating in the second, full blown Lifeboats by the third

M – Mammaries, Melons, Milk Tanks ready for their maiden voyage. But my

N – Norks were not for nursing. Not long after and knocked up with number two

O – Orbs, oversized and over-producing once again, but this time the

P – Puppies performed and Pillow talk was cast aside, my good Pair were thirst

Q – Quenchers for the little fella. My

R – Rack, no longer mine but hijacked. Roll on 10 months, Milk Maid duties complete.

S – Shoulder boulders replaced by Saggy Maggies but second base was back on the cards

T – Tit Tit Hooray! Yes I did love my Teacakes working as

U – Udders but boy am I happy to be me again.

V – Victoria’s Secrets eat your heart out, although now my

W – Wonder Boobs need Wonderbras to get us back to


Y – Yeah Right! Now a mama of two, you’ll more likely find me…..

Z – Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

If you are clearing out your old bras, why not package them up and send them to Smalls for All; A charity quite literally supporting ladies in Africa.

Image: postcard from paperchase, design by Gemma Correll

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